when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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