One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize