Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
