and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
