some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
