Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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