Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
