Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Randomize
