Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
