I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
