he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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