Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
