is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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