I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
