Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
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I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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