oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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