escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
