my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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