Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
