I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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