i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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