my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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