u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
