He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
