I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I will die if light touches me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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