I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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