ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
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I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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