The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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