In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
