at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
