Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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