I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
