I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
