the new term for farting is butt boxing.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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