I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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