maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
