Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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