ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
