forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
