I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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