I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
