Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
