My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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