hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
