Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
