Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Pooping to opera.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
