your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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