Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ketchup is God's man juice
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
