he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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