Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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