I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
