who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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