laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
