There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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