your parents love me but you hate me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this beer tastes like vomit already
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
