Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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