Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
