the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
