ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
