she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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