I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
