After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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