you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
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We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
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Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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