did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
