He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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