We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
