yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize