My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
