You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
