I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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