oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
