How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
