remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
