So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
