swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
