umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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